Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
