In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
