oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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