So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
pray to the hookup gods
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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