the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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