So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
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