i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
