The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
