You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
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I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
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we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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