She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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