Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
