my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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