and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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