Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
