I am puke
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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