You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
