Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
