Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
