I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
