If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
