So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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