Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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