there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
