he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
