It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
