Just mADE A PArabola og urine
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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