dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
