im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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