I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
