dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
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The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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