my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Randomize
