Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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