I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
