My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
