ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
