Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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