I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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