Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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