Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
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