Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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