its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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