I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
