turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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