The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
