i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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