So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
