I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
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