got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
