I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
