Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
