I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
