she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
