I think my fart just growled at me.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
