do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
