just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
