She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
