turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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