Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
