I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Randomize
