he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
