I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
