It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
