you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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