I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
