Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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