I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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