so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
