Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
