we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
