we're chasing vodka with high fives
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
