I have demons in me.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
