I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
