true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
